trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
