Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
