why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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