How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize