That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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