ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
