I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
