just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
