; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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