Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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