I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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