what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
