I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
