he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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