We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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