Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
