I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
