I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
