Kiss
Puke
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
