yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
