We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
