Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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