Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
