she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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