we're blogging at a bar
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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