You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
