she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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