Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
