my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
