is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
