I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
