seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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