I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
