you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
