Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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