I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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