Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
