think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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