I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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