you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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