He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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