Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
