my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you traded sex for a burrito?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
