I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you had me at cake vodka
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
