found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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