dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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