sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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