she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
