i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that's an acceptable place to lick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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