Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
