In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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