i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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