Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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