I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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