If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
