It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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