the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
