I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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