At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
