You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
