I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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