I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
