Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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