Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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