Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
