I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
