if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
