Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
