Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
