the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really busy with my period
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