you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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